Want to know what get’s under my thin skin? When someone say’s, “I don’t love them anymore?” or “We just fell out of love!” as justification for ending their marriage.
Can you really do that? I say no! Not really!
Look at these two scenarios I found in an article In the Huffington Post.
“I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at my guy. He still looked exactly like the man I used to be crazy about, except I just didn’t feel the same way. It scared me. I think I must have stared at him for hours, searching in my heart for the warm feelings I always felt in the past. He’s just as wonderful as always. Maybe I’ve just not tried hard enough. What if I couldn’t find anyone better? Am I running away without really giving it my best shot? What if the problem is me?”
“She reached out to touch me in the beautiful way she always has. I thought I was just tired. I made some kind of lame excuse and she was fine that first night. Then it happened again. We talked about seeing a doctor, but I knew it wasn’t physical. I love this woman as much as I ever did, but something is just missing, and I don’t know what it is. Christ, I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to pretend I feel something I don’t either. I don’t even want to tell her because I know she’d be devastated.”
The problem I see with Angie and Sean is that they are trusting their feelings. Feelings are fickle. They can change at anytime, under any circumstance. And here’s the thing.
LOVE IS NOT A FEELING.
Love isn’t something we feel. It’s more something we do. Love is a decision. It’s easier to consider love as a feeling because it is easier to blame your feelings than it is to blame your actions.
The bible tells us what love is.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[a] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
There it is. Love is action. Or inaction if you like. Verbs. Be patient, Be kind, Do not insist in your own way, Bear all things, Believe all things, Endure all things, and so on. All actions not feelings. It is easier to say I just don’t feel love any more than to say I don’t want to be patient anymore, or I don’t want to be kind anymore. Or I insist on my own way and I am just irritable or resentful. People would consider you selfish, inconsiderate, and probably in the wrong.
Now don’t get me wrong. Marriages end for justifiable reasons like abuse or infidelity. Some end just because one person wants out and makes the situation unbearable for the other. The plight of children can become a factor as well.
I don’t know your marriage. You do. I’m just saying that if it just came down to feelings, no marriage would survive.
Except mine, of course.